Proverbs 22:6 Train up a Child in the way that he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. ESV…
I have always heard this scripture as an adult when it came to kids, up until being alienated away from my kids, other then Psalms 91, this is the other scripture I am currently holding on to until I see my kids again.
However, before I jump right in to my kids. I want to clear things up. I went back and reread what was put at 2am. This is what happens when you’re in tears and healing is taking place at the same time. It’ll be the same now. The part where I was learning how to hear the voice of God and it was like I was struck by lightning.. Let’s re-visit that. Divorce was never part of my vocabulary. EVER. Going through Discipleship and I can’t say I was relearning who Jesus was, but I was diving deeper into Christ and wanted more of Jesus. I was also at a point where I was also on the fence line about believing in Him as well. If God is sooooo good how can He allow 4 people to die within a short period of time? How could He take a mom away from 3 kids? What did I do so wrong that now that his sister is gone? He is already saying things like, “You and I are not having another baby! YOU wanted them! YOU got them! YOU raise them!” or “We are not having another child because YOU can’t handle them! You are always frustrated and you don’t even know how to mother properly.” Confusion was always at my side to twist everything…. and I sadly believed the lies.
But God! Chased me down.. through my kids t-ball practice, by none other than the Children’s Pastor and his wife. That Pastor and his wife will never know the magnitude and gratefulness in my heart that I carry for them.
During the chapter of Quiet Time through the discipleship book, He came down like lightning and I kneeled before the Lord. He told me I needed to pray for my next husband (again I don’t know who) but I thought my husband was going to die and the Lord was preparing me for the next one, because apparently he was needing prayer. For a week again, as a person who has not only HEARD the voice of the Lord, BUT praying for some other man???!!!! What the heck man??!!! Is this even allowed??!! I mean one of the original 10 commandments is “Don’t commit adultery”, and here I am praying for another man??!! A man that has no clue who I am nor me know him. Jesus was patient and kind with me and my freak-out, BUT I couldn’t move in my prayer life. This man got all my prayers for 1 week solid. Each time, I was truly on my knees in the throne room pleading for this man. This is another reason why I will not just “hop back in the frying pan” to sorta say. I want to meet the man that I was on my knees for a week solid, praying over and for him.
Paige was born 2007, Mason was born 2008, Conner was born 2009. Not only were there deaths but there were births.
When my Paige was born, that is when the manipulation started… right there in the delivery room. Every time my parents would hold her, either his sister, his mother, or himself would take her out of their arms and seclude her from them. They would again say small snide comments making them look like victim. But once she was in their arms, small victory snide comments were made.
“God please make this stop!” “This is supposed to be a joyous occasion, not some Jerry Springer show.” “God, I am so tired of this.”
Once we were home, the tension between him, his mother, and my family were so thick that you could slice it with a knife. Living in his mother’s home, my parents made the decision to try and keep peace by not going over there. Quite frankly I was all about keeping peace. His mother on the other hand would say things like “I don’t understand why they won't come over?” “This is your home now and they are welcome.”, and then she would switch to “I don’t want them here and I just can’t deal with your parents’ attitudes and how they present themselves.” The twisting and manipulation would go on until I severed my ties with my family.
It got to the point that I was driving 90 minutes every day: 45 to my parents and 45 home, and then would get ready for work, just so they could see their grandbaby. It was taking a toll on me and I just wanted to keep the peace. Any and all clothes that my parents would purchase for her would not be allowed to be worn around his mother. Any and all toys that were purchased for her were to stay at their home. (But it was supposed to be “our” home.) There was never a give or take with them. It was always about them. When Mason was born Paige was 6 months old. She was so excited. She had no clue that in a couple years that would be her little brother. They were so close. They loved each other, played with each other and they knew that they had each other, even as babies. That reminds me of when Mary conceived Jesus and went to his cousin John’s house and John the Baptist leaped in his mother’s stomach when Jesus was near him. That is how close they were.
Ties severed, Paige and Mason are growing, breaking milestone after milestone. In 2009 here comes Conner. Heart of Gold. His mother tried to pull the same stunts with her daughter about “She knows kids and kids just flocked to her and she knows what she is doing.”, however her daughter stood up to her. One would think I would take a note or two, but the little girl that was scared of her father’s anger didn’t want to poke the bear of someone else. After their mother unexpectedly passed away, y’all I made a ton of mistakes. Who doesn’t??? But there is not a day that went by that I would not get up and give what I could give of myself to those kids. The fiery darts out of their mouths: his, his mother’s, and Anne’s while she was still living with us. Always hearing about every mistake I have ever made and continuing to make. I loved my babies. I still do this day love my babies. But every day my kids, from infant to teenager, all heard about how much I screwed everything up (in a harsher language that would make a sailor blush with shame) Every. Single. Day. As the kids grew up and started becoming older, they started hearing phrases “Don’t listen to your mother, your Nana and I rule over her!” “Don’t listen to your mother, she is only talking out of her ass and has no clue what the hell she is even saying!” Now keep in mind this next part, I have always been a semi-quiet person, but this drove me to truly not even speaking for 4 years. Then they both would say to me “You just need to keep your mouth shut! It’s a good thing you keep your mouth shut because you’ll always be wrong.” “It's a good thing you keep your mouth shut, because if you were to say anything we would just get louder and make sure you knew we were right!” And the kids listened to what their father and grandmother had spoke/yelled. None of us except for Conner had the courage to stand up to them. Even if it meant he got physically disciplined; warranted or not. He was physically disciplined. Mason and Conner wanted so bad to be accepted by him. But he would always yell, scream, or jeer at them for the smallest things. Mason was a helper and wanted nothing more than when his “dad” was in the garage the few times he was, he would try to hand him things, just to turn around and get screamed at “You’re in my **** ***** ******* way!!! Get the **** out of here!” But he would never give up as a young boy to try and help his father out. To the point he became the go to work boy. Get me this, get me that, Do this, Do that. You know the saying “Don’t misuse your good employee because they will see the lazy ones and wonder why they can’t slack off.” Mason is the perfect example of that. He would ask me on multiple occasions “Why is it that Paige is Ms. Perfect and doesn’t have to do anything and Conner is just lazy?!?!?!” Mason loved working out. He loved lifting weights. That was what he enjoyed the most. But just like me, he was yelled at and verbally ripped apart. To the point that he stopped wanting to work out and lift weights, he turned to video games, anime, and his cell phone. That is how he shut us out and protected his heart.
He and I used to have a workout plan and would try to do it together, but we quickly gave up because we didn’t want to do his mother’s preferred Richard Simmons. We enjoyed doing a mix of a Boxer’s workout and MMA. OH man OH man when we put Mason in Ju Jit Su. He ate it up. I loved watching my kids in that. They were fierce yall. Like everything else, it was quickly given up. He slowly built walls around his heart and soul, and suicidal thoughts started inflitrating his mind. I would hold and consoul my 9yr old who would say things to me “I feel like this family would be happier if I were dead.” I was having those same thoughts around that time to. I wasn’t sure how to even consoul my child when I was thinking and feeling the same. “Mason, I love you, I need you, Jesus only made 1 of you. It would rip my heart and soul out if you were to leave me and go home to Jesus.” That was the only phrase I could musser out to him while holding back my own tears.
“How can a 9yr old…..9YRS old have these thoughts???” “What exactly am I doing wrong here with my family that God has blessed me with?” “Why is my child dealing with these kinds of emotions?” “He should be outside playing with the dogs and a waterhose” These are the thoughts that would continue to run through my mind about and over Mason.
Conner’s seeds for Christ went deep, I am so thrilled because you didn’t just see it in him, but you could hear it. His blue/geen eyes would just sparkle like the Panama City Beach. His smile would just melt all of you the moment he even cracked it. He was my Ferdinand: a bull in china shop. But he loved the outdoors. He loved hiking. I always wanted to take him hiking up Ramsey Cascade,s and everytime I would try his mother would send Paige to bring us back to the house. We never got the chance to take the hike. Like Mason, Conner was a scapegoat for their wrath and anger. But unlike Mason, the power of the Holy Spirit was in him. He wasn’t afraid to stand up for himself and for me. He wouldn’t stand up for Paige or for Mason, but he would for me. It was like Jesus gave him the sight to see what was really going on. They would truly leash out at him and then back at me. There was truly never a day that went by that the boys and I were not yelled at, verbally ripped apart, everything like I said in the first part.
If this is your first time here, I encourage you to scroll down and get the foundational story behind this.
There was never a day that went by that I would stand in the way of the verbal darts for the boys ans I would take them myself because no child deserves to be spoken down to like that, by a “Father and/or Grandmother” When it comes to Conner, there will be a day that I will never forget and I do need Holy Spirit help with this one. Conner is becoming older and a preteen now and his body was starting “ The Change” You could smell when he was nervous or just sweating. So here we are trying to teach about personal hygiene and deodorant. One day he was having an exam for school and something else that I don’t remember off the top of my head but for a pre-teen got his nerves worked up, (they were homeschooled ) His grandmother sharply turned towards him and started in a mocking/ angry voice and proceeds to charge towards him “I can’t believe that you just want to be a loser who smells like a damn dog!! THAT is NOT how I am raising MY grandchildren! MY grandchildren LOVE being clean! Unlike his mother who doesn’t know shit” “Next thing you know you’ll be a fat pig like Brittany my sister and smell of nasty dogs like she and her husband do!! This woman, this grandmother was in the face pf a preteen boy who was learning proper hygiene. I was in shock when I saw the end of that communication between them along with being in shock as I was comforting him afterwards away from her down the stairs leading to the basement. He was the only one who understood that the divorce never had anything to do with him and his siblings. That is the power of Christ.
Paige.. She is 15 this year. She gets her learners permit. She is the only full term child I have given birth to. She is the only one who has heard my heart beat from the inside of me. Even the moment she took her first breath the manipulation started. Watching them take her from my family, watching and hearing all the negative language. Not only was I tired from the labor and pushing and everything, I was mentally exhausted from the nastiness spewing from their mouths when this was supposed to be a joyous occasion.
“Don’t worry dear, I know more about kids than you!” “I will help you” ………..”I am about to take over” Is what was really being said. You need to be doing this, Giving her that, SHE NEEDS MEDICATIONS!!! OH MY GOD Mindy!!! Give your daughter the medications she IS NEEDING….. Paige is 5 days old. Paige was not colicky, she was an amazing baby. Again, grandmother knew more than I and knew how to do and moved this new momma out of the way. I tried breast feeding. Working in the medical field I have a pretty strong immunity simply because I am exposed to all kinds of sicknesses. I really wanted to breast feed her…. However, I have been….um… let’s say ….. Blessed…. :/ in the boob department. I’ve always been bigger chested. (Thanks Poppa) If you are bigger chested like me, I know You know what I’m saying. Lol. Anyways.. Due to the stress (even though I didn’t realize I was under) and being heavier chested, my right boob started drying out and barely producing 7oz of milk for her. While the left one was only producing 10oz. As if I didn’t feel good enough to produce food for my baby like I am supposed to… “How can you just let your milk dry up like this!!?!!?!?” “We talked about this!!! How could you just let yourself pour your milk in the shower and let yourself dry up?!?!?!?!?” There are more things that were said but I think you guys are getting the picture. As Paige is growing up, as I am typing this out now the Lord is showing me that they were slowly moving her away from me and as an infant they were already starting the alienation by allowing his mother and sister to always be the one to hold her because “I was to frustrated!” Or “Oh Mindy, You look so tired here let me hold her but you still NEED to do these things and get your other chores done” “But don’t worry we have Paige”
Somewhere along the lines, Paige was the “golden” child. She could do no wrong, speak no wrong, nothing. Literally she was the “perfect” child. She was never yelled at. Never reprimanded. When I would try to correct her, I was overruled. She is beautiful. Amazingly smart and sassy. As she was getting older something started changing. Her grandmother would allow her to start showering in the same shower with her. I would question, “She is older now, I don’t think this is right” Not to be offensive, I understand about standing by in case soap gets in the eye or something but not showering together.”
I was always met with “We are all women here. It is the same thing like being in a gym shower in a locker room” Yall, IT IS NOT NORMAL AND DON’T LET YOUR KIDS DO THIS!!!! You know when the correct time to separate showers are! As she was getting older Paige enjoyed undermining me and just running in the shower with her thinking it was funny. During this time, she also started sleeping in bed with both her father and grandmother. The nights that she would sleep in her bed, her grandmother would “I NEED you Paige!!! I want to snuggle” in a baby voice luring her into her bed. This started the same time that I was sleeping on the floor with 3 dogs and 1 cat. Sometimes my boys would sleep on the floor with me. Once Paige hit 10-12 years old she was completely sleeping in the bed with her father and grandmother. Her roo quickly became were I slept simply because I was tired of sleeping on the floor just trying to be beside “a husband”. When I started sleeping in her room, “That is exactly where you belong! In a child’s room! That how YOU act! That is how you THINK! I can’t believe I married such a mess!! You know, there are some days I wish I could take you by the neck and rub your nose in all the messes you make like a dog and train you like a dog.” “But you are right were you need to be, in a little girls room until you are trained”
When Paige was 13, she had a little boyfriend who was 15. I was against it because simply…. SHE IS 13. NOT 16. He is 15! I know what a 15 yr old is thinking…….. Well, grandmother got her way and allowed her to date the 15 yr old. The parents of this boy and I bonded through mutual Holy Bible watching over them along with honesty and clear communication. I had to run to the store one day when I walked back into the house and saw that the grandmother has allowed them to watch a soft porm on the TV.
“GET THAT CRAP OFF THE TV NOW THEY ARE WAY TO YOUNG FOR THAT!!!!!!” “It’s OK for them to watch as long as I am here with them, besides, I would rather them learn in front of me than to have them learn on their own and do things behind our backs!”
I don’t know if I have ever been soooo mad in my life. Of all things, allowing a teen boy and a teen (young teen) girl something like that. Her father went along with what his mother said about them watching the movie. After that movie incident, all i kept hearing was explicit sex talk and instructing her on how it happens, what happens, more explicit than the usual birds and the bees. Then she started acting out in ways that is completely unacceptable for a young lady.
After 12/23/2020- (My birthday) 21 and holding a couple years ;P. The kids know that “Daddy and I are not making it” Daddy flat out told Momma “ Now that we are just about debt free, I think it is time for you and I to have a fresh start as well and Me be without YOU.” The very last thing that Paige said to me and my face is this
“I will always choose my Nana and Daddy over YOU! Watching you is like watching a Puppy that will never be trained, humph, well, YOU, you will never be trained!!!!”
12/26/2020- This is the day that the Holy Spirit Pulled me out of the 2nd layer of hell. After they found out where I was living and staying, Their father blocked me from all their social media accounts, cell phones, anything remotely connected to them, I have been blocked. I could not speak, talk, text, touch my kids. It is now over a year that I have seen their beautiful faces. Heard their voices. When their father and I had mediation 12/2022. He admitted to the mediator of the alienation and blocking me away from my kids. But on Good Friday of 2022, after a new phone number and picking upi texting them again. I got this text message from my daughter’s number.
“Apparently ignoring your occasional texts has not gotten the point across i hate you literally stay as far away fro me as possible and never bother me again you’re dead to me and youre not my mother theyre not my grandparents and yuo can burn in hell i dont know what makes you think youre going to heaven because clearly your not so you can take your parents that you told me absolutely horrible things about in case you forgot and your disgusting self and leave me and my family alone none of us want anything to do with you I hate you my life has been so much better without you in it and in fact thank you so much for leaving i dont want a relationship with you i never have had one with you and i never ever will stop harassing me I never want to speak with you or even think of you again youre dead to me.”
I am grateful for the work that the Holy Spirit is doing. Im thankful for the Restoration with my kids… in this case it will be in His timing. I find great joy in knowing that this day will come. I would like to tell you that this text didn’t hurt. But it did. It actually took me 4 hours to actually fully read it. When I saw the first and last words of the text I went into protective mode and figured out what it said.
As much hurt as I have faced, the ones who are truly hurt and manipulated are the kids. If a separation happens, yall I am so sorry. I really am, but please be an adult and don’t involve the children. They are not pawns on a chess board. They are small humans that we have been trusted and gifted with to bring up in the ways of the Lord. His word! His ways! His LOVE! His Direction!
It has structure! It gives us as parents lives to live with our kids! Sure some parts are hard like the discipline! It says in scripture
Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod HATES his son, BUT he who LOVES him is diligent to discipline (ESV)
Or Hebrews 12:11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
It is our job as parents to protect our kids, even during adults heated conversations or down right arguements. I am not saying that we need to always act peachy king in front of them, they need to see real. BUT control which part you let them see. If it is a sore subject then you both need to take a time out, cool down, get into His Word, Get into a quiet place, Let the Holy Spirit Guide you of were the miscommunication is. Humble yourselves before the Lord and when the heat has died down, gently talk it out. Ask the Holy Spirit to help guide the conversation for His glory and help you guys get through it. He will NEVER LEAVE YOU BOTH! AND He WILL make sure everyone’s heart is at peace. Including the kids.
If I can encourage you through this part it would truly be, LEAN on Jesus. Follow Him and His instructions. I bet you are wondering “How is she even able to be doing this without her kids? My kids are my world!!! I can’t imagine my life without my kids” Truth is, its hard. BUT GOD, The same time frame that I was being told to pray over my next husband, He was telling me I needed to “Give your kids to me! I need you to let them go to me” During that time while learning to pray on my knees, I would grab my heart and say “Lord these are my kids, (I would then reach out towards heaven) I give them to you! I don’t know if that was right, wrong, or indifferent but what I can tell you is this, it did not take away the pain. It didn’t. My kids are still a fragile part of my heart but I know that through the Holy Spirit and this blog He is doing something beautiful through this…. BUT what I can give you is this….. It was easier to “let them go” when I understood. I was able to put my focus on my schooling. Able to go to work and not worry….. Well…. Ive had many many moment of worry over my kids, Jesus gently reminded me and sent me a vision of them right in the Palm of His hands. This new life we are building is easier to put my focus on where it belongs…… on Jesus. That is my encouragement for you on this blog…. Get into a quiet place and just listen to what He wants to tell you. <3 I’m quite sure He will blow you away in such a great way. He has never left me disappointed……EVER….