Unmasking the REAL story of Cinderella and Rapunzel

.....Proverbs 16:9 We can make our plans, BUT the Lord determines our steps..... I am a newly singled 35yr old woman who survived what I will call the 2nd layer of hell.  All the abuse you can think of, it happened. Lies, deceit, manipulation, isolation, separation from my family. These are just the tip of the ice burg of the things I have gone through but as I type and you read my story, please don't pity me because I am NOT a victim of these horrific actions BUT a Victor through Christ Jesus. It was only because of Him am I able to have the sound mind that I have now. My gentle and loving nature still in tact but with boundaries. As you read my story my sincere hope is that you find encouragement, strength, courage, and more than anything I pray that you will see Jesus and how He never left my side... If you are here and you don't know who Jesus is, I encourage you to continue to read and learn about His love and strength... As you read you will learn that I call God "Poppa", Jesus is "My Love", and Holy Spirit is "My Homie".  During my isolation period (and you will read when I was the 1 Jesus chased down) They were my only source of peace and comfort. I fell madly in love with them. I would (and still do) love to be in worship or reading my Bible. I now treasure all my Bibles (even if I don't understand the dialect ) 

Let me give you a brief history about me. I grew up in the Hospital setting. My Nana is a Retired Cardiac RN who worked in different local Hospitals between FL & GA. She would bring me along on her scheduled nightshifts.. I was younger than 10 when she would bring me to work. I also was a Candy striper for the local hospital in the (at the time) small town I grew up in and they had me in the Emergency Room all 3 years I volunteered at the ages of 13-16. I grew up in a Pentecostal church and became a believer at a very young age... Basically after watching the old film "Heaven's Gates and Hells Flames" enough to scare this young girl!! I aint burning up. Forget that but this Jesus Love sounds really cool. I accepted Jesus then and there. But I didn't have the relationship like I do now. But I knew I had Him and He knew He had me. I never further dove into Him. I stayed with my country and secular music. After all, it was BSB & NSYNC!!! lol. Growing up, my childhood was great. Have a Mom and Dad that love me and did their best to raise me and my younger brother up in the church. But I was kept with a very strict tight rope... To the point I was nervous about making my dad mad. (Who doesn't) BUT. I did fear my Dad's anger. I was naïve to the Real World growing up. My mom and I were best friends growing up. Again, my brother and I had a great childhood growing up. If you ask my brother he will tell you about the time I framed him for stealing the Ice Cream and how he "Was NOT going to jail for me over Chocolate ice Cream" lol. We were a close nit family. By the grace of God we are back to being a close nit family. But for 15-16 years I was isolated from them as you will shortly learn. But I am so thankful and grateful to my Jesus for the restoration and healing to my family. 

Let's rewind time... Go back to summer of 2004. Easy times Right??? Got your Britney Spears, NSYNC, BSB, 98 degrees, Garth Brooks, Alabama, George Strait, I could go on and on with music... Music is medicine to my soul. This is the Summer I graduated High School. I graduated 17 out of 700. After graduation, I wanted a break and my parents said I could as long as I went to work. I was already working and had been since I was technically 13, but at the time I was a receptionist at Fantastic Sams Salon. I landed my first real job at the bigger hospital in the next town, which ended up being the hospital that not only was my brother and I born in, my Nana had been there years back and ALOT of older nurses and DR's remembered her and I have some of her features. I was hired on as a transporter. After a few months it wass shortly after my 19th bday when I was working and was placing a stretcher in the supply room when there he was... My heart stopped. I couldn't breathe let alone, did I even know my name at this point??? 

He is 6'0, 250lbs, built like a wrestler and carried himself like an athletic person. He had a smile that could charm the sun. (But the Real Son couldn't and wouldn't be fooled) We quickly became friends and always trying to locate which part of the hospital one was in. Were my feelings even real? Or was this infatuation??? This guy can't be true!!! He is nothing like what I have grown up with. He is older than me to.SO why is he all this... I am sure he will have a girl or a wife... BUT NOPE. He is free just like I was...

I was already working with some of his party friends and one of them being a lesbian. They were not happy with the Christian girl coming to take the "Life of the Party" and the "One who supplies the beer" away. Besides she doesn't even put out. Trust me, the feeling was mutual. I wasn't crazy about being around them either. But they would snicker and jeer and make snide comments about how "She put the chains on you son!  Your ass is on Lockdown Now!"  The lesbian would always point out that she can't go searching if he aint with her, He gets her the best picks" I will tell you now, he never stood up to his friends and we were not even dating yet at this point.. The lesbian even threaten to kick my butt..... ~~It Never happen and she never confronted me either~~

~~Ladies & Men , YOU are NOT a "PICK" YOU are Fearfully, Wonderfully, Perfectly created in the image of God Himself. He knitted you stitch by stitch in your mother's womb and was with you and is still with you now!!!!  You are something treasured and highly valued.

After a couple of weeks of being friends, everything moved way to fast. He was meeting my family and he was having me over at his parents house for a BBQ. Yall I was soo nervous I could hardly eat. But his mom,dad, and sister welcomed me in with open arms.. 

I didn't know and had no clue what was behind mask #1. But was going to find out very soon. 

Now that He and I were "official", Let's rewind back to the little girl growing up in church... I am in middle school when my church had a program come called "True Love Waits" it was a program designed to encourage young pre-teens and teens abstinence. If you are a young person reading this that means not having sex until you are married.  I really loved what/ how they presented it to me and I am going to take a moment to share with you... 

Your virginity/ innocence is a gift.. It is a special wrapped up gift that is designed only for you husband and/or wife. It is wrapped in the most expensive wrapping paper that no one can find it here on this earth. It is that rare. It is that rare because it is wrapped up with your heart. On your wedding night after you exchange your vows you both get the privilege to unwrap each other's heart and become 1 flesh. aka your making love. I absolutely loved that idea and concept and I would Honor my Lord and Savior.

1Corinthians 7:2 (NLT Version) But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

I was very up front about waiting for the right one.... He just gave a side grin when we had that conversation.

After about 3 months of dating, we were in a very passionate moment when he asked if I would "make love to him". He knew that, that is how I saw sex. I still do to this day. It is another intimate form of love to your special one. He said the right words to convince this innocent/naïve young girl to bed. "You know I would never leave you.  You know we are gonna get married" The phrases could go on. I gave in even though I was soo scared of what my mom and dad would think and this was my first time... But we were gonna be married. So there is the justification.   

After a about  a year, I ended up being pulled from work and rushed to the ER. My BP was 200/115. My head was pounding like it had never pounded before. That was the very first migraine I had ever had and a couple days later my period came but it was not like any other period, my stomach was cramping unlike anything i had felt before, as I was in the bathroom taking care of myself, I looked down and saw the I had  miscarried a baby. I have never been a drinker, smoker, drugs, partier and I had no clue that I was pregnant other than by looking at the baseball sized clot. I was sooo scared that I did not say anything. My mom and dad still don't know until they read this blog.  ~~Yall don't be scared about speaking up about whatever~~ I prayed that God would heal my body and not let me be sick because I wasn't gonna say anything to my parents... NOPE.. UH HUH.

As we were dating and were serious about each other I kept asking "Lord, if this man isn't the one I am supposed to marry PLEASE DON'T let it happen! He is to good of a man for someone like me" I never saw the red flags

Within that same year his dad died. We knew he was sick but never thought death would meet him at 51. By this time we had both earned promotions and had transferred into the ER. He went in as a Tech and I went into the stock room simply because, the Abuse Nurses get from Dr's,pt's, and pt's family, at that point in time, I wanted nothing to do with it.. I am not in the field of seeing people hurt. 

This is when Hell opened up the gates and invited me in blindly..... The only time I got a clear scott free card was when He and I were riding in the car back to his parents house from the funeral home and he said "I understand if you want to leave this relationship, but I need you to understand that now that my dad is gone, I have to take care of my mother until she dies"

My reply "Do you think I am that shallow of a person to leave you when your dad just died??? I am not leaving you at all, We are supposed to be getting married!! BUT your mother does have to realize that I am going to be your wife. I am  not trying to take anything away that she and your dad had, but it is our turn for our family." 

The Conversation never left the car...

I haven't said alot about his mother simply because, I learned very quickly that she likes attention. She throws pitty parties. Anything to make herself look like the victim. That is not me being biased or bitter. But it is truth and fact. Just like it is fact that the Earth is round and the Heavens and Earth were created in 6 days and God Rested on the 7th. One thing about her was she prided herself in saying "I have a temper. I see red. and I can snap at any time" After talking to a therapist they confirmed that was "her way a justifying her actions"  The little girl who was afraid of her daddy's anger wasn't going to touch someone else's anger who flaunts it around like the diamond on the necklace from Titanic. So I quickly learned to keep my mouth shut around her and become submissive to her demands. 

Two weeks after his dad died his grandmother passed away. We knew it was coming but no one or nothing will ever prepare you for when someone takes their last breath. In between time, We found out that baby Lillian was on the way..... We were still engaged but not yet married and yes THIS CHRISTIAN girl was not gonna be married with a baby bump.  So that ramped things up. We were married within 6 months. In between that time, I had moved into his mother's house with him. He said that us being out on our own will be the same in his mother's house. This is my soon to be husband, right? He wouldn't try to steer his almost new wife wrong would he???  On the other end of the spectrum my parents were trying to stop the moved into his mother's house. They were fine with us having our own apartment as we were set up and had the appointment at hand to meet with the Managers. 

As the wedding was drawing near I was getting tired of his mother & sister making big deals over small things that didn't need that much attention and being pulled away from my own mom and grandmothers. There was one time that my Mema treated my mom and I out to a lunch and his mother called yelling " I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO GO WITH YOUR MOM AND MEMA! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR ASS BACK TO THIS HOUSE NOW!" His sister was a Manic Depressive person who was also had Bi-Polar disorder. She found out 6 months after we were pregnant with Lillian that she was pregnant. Through her different mood disorders I learned very quickly you can't be sensitive around these hard knock people. You don't know which person your gonna get and you have to be tough as nails, speak like a sailor, work harder than a horse. Really what it boiled down to was The Step mother got her Cinderella. The fighting between my family, his mother, him was out of control and I was tired of it, Where was God? Why did this happen??? We are supposed to be happy? We are supposed to be in love and on a honeymoon... BUT NO.  No honeymoon. My parents tried to give the newly married couple at least a weekend at the beach, away from his mother, but to no avail she twisted it into "we really need the money towards bills" 

The fighting was still going on and he even said "I don't even see my wife in her eyes anymore. Where did she go?" Truthfully, she mentally checked out because all the weight was shifted to her now. "You guys need to move out on your own! You guys need to do this" "He needs to do that" "You need to step up and act like a wife!!'' "Some wife your turning out to be already!" "How can they say they raised you right when you don't even clean correctly let alone cook!" "I really shouldn't have to be dealing with you and I just gave you my home" I could go on but let's finish the story.

At the point we were married, He had graduated RN school and was working in a Inpatient Psychiatrics unit on the other side of town. I had been promoted to the ER unit Secretary and scored a beautiful 3nights on 2night off 3 nights on 6 straight days off. After all of those phrases between everyone, I was ready to pack my stuff and just be alone and on my own. I was tired. Tired of all the fighting and everything just falling on my shoulders. Everything always ending up being my fault and Why is he always wanting to pick a fight and then expect me to "Make Love" to him??? That is not how this is supposed to work......Or so I thought. 

The first time I felt Jesus.... I had just given birth to Lillian and his mother convince3d me that I needed an 8 hour job so I could be home more, I found one in the pediatric unit/ Pediatric ICU. I felt another migraine coming on and so I left earlier before I ended up in the ER again as the patient.... His sister wanted to watch a movie and told I couldn't. During that night I felt this warmth come over me like I had never felt before and I saw the silhouette of Jesus standing in our doorway. I prayed that Lillian felt this warmth to because it was a warmth like non I had ever felt before and this soft loving voice said "Everything is going to be alright" 

The next day, I severed ties with my family because I was tired of the fighting... Tired of hearing about what the proper thing to do was, tired of hearing about what a horrible job they did raising me, tired of hearing about how there is nothing I can do. ( I mean that quite literally) To the point that they had me believing that there was no way that I graduated 17 out of 700 because I was so stupid. I was actually pushed through school. But I hadn't mentally checkout for good......yet....... 

I thought for sure that this was still the marriage that God said was mine because I wasn't gonna go through a divorce. I tookmy vows seriously and I knew they were taken before God AND I had sex before marriage KNOWING that I was supposed to wait until I was actually married. I was not ready to give up the fight. Well, I quietly grieved loosing my mom, dad, and brother.. They saw it as a victory.. "You didn't need them anyways" "They just wanted to keep you home" and many other phrases. 

Trying to quietly grieve the loss of my family and continuing on with so-called newlywed life + a baby + his mother. He told me that He was taking Lillian and I to TN.I thought for sure this would be the time he would stand up for me to his mother......But his mother played the victim and stated that she was coming too. While we were in TN on our first family vacation he says "What do you think if I apply for a job here at the University Hospital??  I said "What is the worse that is going to happen? You show up, they say no, we come back to FL to our jobs and lives there?" ......Yall...... UTMC hired him right there on the spot in vacation clothes. Not even in a pair of scrubs. They made a vague deal with him but he believed in their words and promises of further his education to BSN. That was in June we were moved up to TN by 10/2009. Right before the move his grandfather had been fading and he passed away. 

So that makes his dad and grandmother passing in 2006, grandfather in 2009. (There is a reason I am pointing this out) 

7/2007-Paige was born,1/2008 Mason was born to his sister, 5/2009 Connor was born to his sister. 

2009 there was a birth, funeral, and move... not busy what so ever. 

Moving on. The phrases above were more frequent and more demeaning and I was just never good enough. It was now getting to the point to were his mother would blanketly lie to him and watch him just yell and scream and chew me a new one because she felt she didn't get it enough from her. Then the threats were always on the tip of both their tongue. However they would twist it up with "The only thing that you could ever do to make him leave you......IS TO GO BACK TO YOUR FAMILY! THAT is the only thing you have to do for him to leave you. Other than that He loves you. Or he wouldn't have married you" 

10/2009 we are officially residents of E. TN living in the beautiful MTNS. Working in the hospital, it doesn't matter which department you have to work in, you have to get trained in BLS CPR (Basic Life Support) During the time of our move and getting settled in his sister was going through a hard time in her marriage and contemplating a divorce from her husband. As she was also having a hard time with the fact that her mother chose to piggy back with us to live in TN. "Because she just needs to get away" 

On 3/28/2010. She was on her way up from FL to TN. She even said "I just want to be in a place that  I know that I am loved" I felt that to my core because by this time, I was empty. I had no love. I was being yelled at every. single. day. Downgraded, dehumanized, you name it I was de-that. I was even beginning to believe the lie that I was the scum beneath the  scum of the rocks. There was not one part of me that felt like I deserved this family but I was trying my best to keep the family that God gave me. Besides like his mother said "Who else would want someone who wasn't trained properly....in anything...."  Anyways, his sister made it in on 3/27/2010 @7:30pm.... She was gone on 3/28/2010 way before 7:30 that morning. Until this specific date I had always been trained on CPR, but on this morning, his mother yelled to me to see if I could try and wake her up.... When I walked into the room I had to take a step back. I have worked with dead bodies before.. Ive been in the morgue when the organ harvest team was taken organs out. But this time it was different. She was "my sister" to. I checked her ankle pulse ...nothing.... wrists pulse nothing..... looked at her chest wasn't moving and then i screamed for him to get upstairs to help me start CPR.  When I got her shirt open, it was as if someone had taken a blue sharpie a drew a straight line from one side of her chest to the other. Every rescue breath she would return a gurgle. No air return. That was the fluid that builds up after you die is what I was told. I could be wrong.That was the day I spiritually got stuck in life. Like the father in the Movie The Shack. The moment he saw the blood of his daughter on the floor of the shack, I was stuck in that room doing CPR.

After letting family know of the 4th death in the family, the boys biological father gave them to us to raise. No hesitation. He enjoyed his freedom and he enjoyed the company of women more. We will leave that right there. 

So, Paige had just turned 2, Mason was 1 1/2, Connor was 9 months old.

His sister at the age of 18 adopted her cousin's baby. Her name is Anne. When his sister died she was 16 and angry. I was her scapegoat and he was no where to be found to put her in her place. And so now I have 3under 3, 16 angry yr old, his mother, and him.

During the Spring/ Summer of 2018 My Mema was getting ready to make her way to her Heavenly Home.. I wanted to go and see her so bad.. I couldn't stop crying. I begged them to let me go and see her. They would always tell me different things like 

"Well, I am not some live in babysitter for YOUR kids!" " You already know that your parents and brother are going to be there and well, That is the only reason Eric would ever leave is if you spoke to them again and how are you NOT going to speak to them at the funeral?" :Well where do you think you are gonna stay?" "And just how will you get down there?" Him "Your answer is NO. You're not going, we can't afford it!" 

I had to say goodbye over a phone.  If your loved one is about to go home, GO AND SEE them. But while I was grieving the loss of my Mema, They got tired of all my crying.  "why are you crying? Why are you crying now? What on earth has got you crying... YET AGAIN??? I've given you this house! I have given you that car!!! All you have to do??? Is show up and raise the kids!!! NOW stop your crying!! So, after that I learned to take care of myself by myself privately. I still do to this day. I disappear when I need to take care of things like that. I shut down my phone and basically disappear I go before the Lord and we do "Our thing" and when there is not a trace left on me that anything bothered me... at all. \

Welcome to the 3rd layer of hell.

Our romantic life had dwindled down ALOT because we always had to have his mother with us "since she is unable to do things like this anymore" Now that his sister is gone, he started leaving me at home with all the kids while Anne was at school. They would say things like "I just need to get out of the house!" "The stress of all this and you're not doing your part to keep I , well, I just cant deal with this" "Do something while we are gone" They would be gone for hours on end. He started taking her out on more day trips and night trips. It got to the point that everything a couple is supposed to do together, he was doing with his mother, leaving the small kids and i home while Anne was in school. This behavior between them grew more and more until one day he took her to the local theme park and bought her all kinds of gifts and when they got home he point blank said "THESE ARE MY MOTHERS AND NOT YOURS AND YOU ARE TO TOUCH THEM!"

If that wasn't enough, Anne, was on the ball of anger towards me as well. "You'll never be a good mom! You're not their mom!!! What makes you think you can just step in her shoes and take over!! I can do a much better job than you could ever think of doing!" "I can't believe you are showing favoritism to Paige after these boys just lost their own mother!" Another set of phrases that I could go on about. There were days while Anne lived with us that I would beg God for her to be in a good mood or keep her mouth shut.

About a year and a half later the Lord provided a home in a quiet town right outside where we were originally living. About 20 minutes away from the Smoky Mountains. By this time our "Romantic" life took a turn I never saw coming, he started demanding what he wanted and how he wanted. It didn't matter if I felt safe, comfortable, his way or no way. To be honest, this was the only "time" He would give me and so I caved and gave into his demands. Along with his demands in the bedroom he started making fun  of every part of my body. When I say every part, I mean every.part. By this time he grew over 350lbs. I was almost 300 myself but by Gods grace Jesus wouldn't let my body hit 300. I tried doing all kinds of things and as soon as I would get up and motivated and going.. here comes the negative train of the same phrases and comments. There was truly nothing I could that would be enough. At some point his love for his mother really turned and he was or already lost whatever love IF he even had it at all for me. I was alone and empty. He started sleeping in his mother's bed. 

We had a 2005 Ford Excursion. I was heading to the bank to deposit a check and early morning hours were my only time to be alone without his mother unless he was taking her out on a day/night trip. I was tired of living paycheck to paycheck but watching him literally EAT his paycheck with food!!! But on this specific day I looked up while driving and said "Lord, We NEED money! I don't know how our family is going to eat or go down to FLorida!" During this time the boys biological grandfather had passed away. As I said that prayer a car came around the corner and lost control. She hit me head on and I blacked out. All I remember was saying "Jesus keep me safe!" and as she hit me head on I felt this hand pull me out of my body into the corner of the truck holding me close but my eyes were shut. I could hear the final hit as the excursion had hit the bank of ditch that was on  the opposite side of the road, I awoke to seeing smoke like substance and immediately thought the truck was on fire. I scrambled to get out of the truck. Then this man out of no where pulled me in his arms and said "Hey YOUR OK!! YOUR OK 911 is on the way!!" 

After being released from the hospital around evening I begged him to go upstairs to our room so I could just lay beside a husband. "My ankles are really hurting tonight, I wont be able to make it up those stairs" "Where then do you suppose I am going to sleep??? Surely not in your mother's bed or our daughters!" He said "Well, we are bigger people now and there is no room for you, mom, and myself, so if you want to sleep with me looks like you will have to sleep on the floor" 

That started my year of literally sleeping on the floor with 3 dogs and 1 cat. The boys would want to sleep with me but I told them they needed to be in their beds. 

If you have read this far, build boundaries.  Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. You should NEVER have to sleep on the floor like I did! You shouldn't have to compete with someone else, let alone a mother or a father. You are the answer to someone's prayer. Don't be afraid to call the Domestic Violence hotline or your local police. However, Mental and Emotional abuse are not physical scars and harder to detect simply because of the many people who abuse the system..... 

If you have made it this far, the woman I used to be, she had no clue the torture and ridicule was abuse. She thought she was doing the right thing by sticking it out. I am truly only able to type this story out through the strength of Jesus. I truly did not want to relive BUT whoever I am typing this out for PLEASE BE ENCOURAGED because the same Jesus that pulled me out of the 2nd and 3rd layer of Hell is the Same Jesus sitting with you right now as your reading this and HE WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU.

Anne turned 18 and moved back to FL. Back to the 2nd layer of hell BUT GOD! Everything was still the same. Being yelled at every single day. But this day was different, I had a thought come to my mind while his mother was trying to track me down. They both always had to keep their eyes on me as if I was going to do something wrong. I was not allowed to go upstairs accept to take clean clothes up there and put them away and then immediately come back down. But the thought that came through my head was this "They would be sooo much happier if you were dead!" and I started seeing different areas were they were together, him, his mother, our 3 kids. They were functioning like a family unit and I was the flat third wheel. Days went on I fell into a deep suicidal depression. As this progressed Their words started changing again and the kids were little older now too. He/They would say "It is a good thing you keep your mouth shut!!! You will ALWAYS be wrong!!!" "You better keep your shut! It is a good thing you keep your mouth shut!" With the kids being older He would make it a point to tell the kids in frint of his mother "Don't listen to your mother! She has no clue of what she is talking about!" After a particular bad day of literally being yelled at from the moment I woke up I was mentally done. They brought me back to the house and said " DO SOMETHING! I am so tired your bullshit!" Yall I don't cry.. Not in front of people. But this day I couldn't hold it in. I had my first method of choice out of the table. I will not disclose of what it was out of respect for YOU reader. As I was crying so hard I blurted out in utter forgiveness, "God I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I COULD HAVE HURT MY FAMILY THAT YOU GAVE ME THIS BAD!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I AM ABOUT TO DO BUT I CANT DO IT ANY MORE!" I heard a voice say write out your pain!!! That voice said it 3x's. I listened and I wrote 10 front and back pages of my goodbye letter. Still crying, I again cried out in utter forgiveness but I couldn't and didn't want to live like this anymore. When I tried to reach for my method of choice, I could not move my hands off from the spot I had them. It was like there was someones hands on mine. Like the moment Jesus placed his hands on Marys in the scene of the TV series The Chosen on PureFlix. OR Angel VId.  When I couldn't move my hands i cried even harder. I cried so hard that when they got back home a few hours later they yelled at me for drinking. I don't drink. Ever since I saw my Aunt became a Quadriplegic from a Drunk Driving accident, I wanted nothing to do with alcohol. 

Shortly after the Lord saved my life, our boys were signed up for TBall. That is where the Lord chased His 1 sheep down. At a Tball field.  When you are living Pay check to Paycheck, and someone offers to feed your 3 small kids for free AND they get to learn about Jesus?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Heck yeah! Sign this momma up! It only took a couple of TBall practices and we were sitting in our first VBS at a local "Mega" church. I say mega because at the time the attendance was rough 1500 for the town. Anyways, and they fed my kids and my spirit got fed for the first time. There was just something about this church that was different. A GOOD different. We started attending and really digging into what the Preacherman was teaching. It was sound and Holy Bible based. Before I knew we were enrolled in a program called Discipleship. 

Matthew 28 18-20 (NLT) Jesus came and told his disciples, "I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. (19) Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this : I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

I wish I could the he changed when we dug into Jesus word, but it honestly turned worse simply because we didn't "move up" in the ranks of the church. By then he would point out different couples and say "See her!!! Be like her!!! Keeping your mouth shut and stay the little church mouse because nobody wants to hear what you have to say..." Even though that situation didn't change the Lord started changing me..... I am forever grateful that He did..  They would put a show/ mask on at the church but the monsters would come out the moment we drove off the parking lot.

 When it came back to our "personal" life... It is truly no longer a romantic side as now, not only is he controlling that action but he has now placed all work on me. I had to be the one to chase him, I had to be the one to initiate only to have him fall asleep, play on his phone, video games, or eat. That was all that this man did. 

I had given up on trying to organize a home, until Dave Ramsey came into my life I gave up on money, Other than my trying to be a good mom to my kids, I still gave up on life in general and was functioning on survival mode and sleep. I couldn't even receive love from my children. Thick barriers not only surrounded me but my heart to. I could give out the love but I no longer could receive love. I had internally officially shut down. 

At this time in my life I had never got down on my knees, It was around late March Early April. and I was downstairs trying to learn how to have "Quiet Time" and Hear Gods Voice! ( He WILL talk to you!) I am sitting at this small stop sign shaped cedar table .............................................................................................and I hear nothing.................. AH man I am thinking to much! I have messed soemthing up but what is new with that. I stayed for about 45minutes to an hour and I gave up.  As I was walking up the stairs it was like lightning hit my body and this strong but soft voice says "You NEED to pray for your next husband!" "Your next husband NEEDS your prayers right now!"  You guys I was extremely freaked out. But that was also the first time I knelt before the Lord and I prayed for who ever my next husband is. I still haven't met him yet. But for 1 week the Lord had me praying over him. Ever since then I have heard the voice of the Lord loud and clear and now He talks to me in many many ways.

I wish I could tell you it gets better but we are almost to the great part.... The more I dove into Christ the more He changed me and opened my eyes to so much about the Spirit realm and some of how it works and what not. There are tons that I am still learning. 

He took a COVID Emergency contract out in CA and that is where He met Her. It had been one thing to watch him all these years basically have an affair with his mother for 16 years, but now he met Jolene. (Pun intended) They hit it off on that first contract. They hit it off so well that she followed him to a town called Chico, CA. As the first contract was ending and he was heading back to TN to switch out gear and head BACK TO CA, he made plans to meet up with her in MO.  When you work in the Medical Field you understand the dynamics but that is still no excuse for extra outside marital behavior!!!! It is a 10 commandment yall. 

I understand that they had to eat. He is after all a Type 2 diabetic now. But their first night meeting up they went out for steak and oysters and sent pictures of the both of them and their food and smiling and having a grand ole time. You know when your gut just tells you something is wrong.... This is how our very last conversation to each other went " I saw that you packed me with the charcoal toothpaste I like and thank you!! I saw something about Irish Spring doing the charcoal thing to but I don't think I am going to get into all that." I replied back " Well, I gave you X amount of money for food,gas, ect, the rent is separate from that, so that is your decisions of what you do." The very next day, "Hey! you know I went ahead and got the charcoal soap because you know, I get sweaty balls and well shit happens."   That was the very last conversation CIVIL conversation we had. By this time with Jolene in our lives now, my own daughter flat out told me that " I would always choose my daddy and my nana over you, simply because watching you is like watching a puppy that will never be trained and well, hmph, you? Well you will never be trained." She was 14 at the time. Mason simply said " I don't care what you and Dad do, just don't do it on Christmas!" Conner knew that what was happening had nothing to do with the kids.  After the last civil conversation he stopped sharing family location with me, completely stopped talking to me unless he was screaming his head off at me to chew me a new one over annything. Stating things like "yall wonder why I say I love her but like a father loves a daughter!!!!! She doesn't think!! She CAN:T think for the actions that she is doing!!! OR he would say "I have found my best friend out here in CA, I enjoy being with her and she with me and she understands me! (That was said while we were in a Chic fil A drive thru)  As time was drawing near, the Lord gave me conformation that it was OK to walk away. 

During this particular time God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit were my Peace, Strength, everything I needed and wanted. I wanted nothing more than to always be in there presents. By making them my priority I started calling God -Poppa- alot of people call him Father but He is something more special to me than just Father. Jesus is My Love simply because on one particular night, I was not even in Spirit and He did something amazing and that will be shared at a later point in time for another reason. The Holy Spirit is our guide through this life and so I call Him My Homie.... If you are reading this and you don't understand the Trinity.. 

God is the Father -Creator of the Universe and of you and I 

Jesus is the Son -He came to earth as a human through a virgin named Mary. ( Think of Christmas) that is the reason we celebrate Christmas. 

Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Jesus after He died on the Cross many years ago to save us from this dark world.  

Going through all of that and his contract time was coming to an end and I had barely mustered out to him that I can't live like this

By this point I was sleeping in my daughters bed because his mother had convinced  her into sleeping in her bed ( which wasn't hard to do)  There was 0 communication between us and his mother. I truly stopped talking. I couldn't. There was nothing I could say or do because I would hear. 

"what a disappointment you turned out to be!" " ANd I can't believe I gave you MY SON!" "You are being exactly like the devil and decieving us!!!" That phrase comes from me turning my phone to silent and keeping it on me at all times and no one was allowed on it. 

If they were allowed to do what they were doing then I was allowed to relearn how to set boundary. I did it with an iphone. To the point I took off facial and fingerprint. I kept changing the codes every 2 days.  It got to the point that I caught his mother trying to unlock my phone so she could see something. She wanted to see if I w as hiding anything and I wasn't. That was one thing I always had to show my messages or tell her what was said or have the entire conversation right in front of her. 

During the month of November, it was extremely hard and that was my 2nd attempt. Again I will not give out what the method was but I again said "Jesus I know you are real and I know your here!! take this out of my hand because if you don't you and I will be standing together in about 10 minutes" I can't tell you how it got out of my hands but what I can tell youis that if my daughter would have been 4 seconds earlier she would have seen it in my hands. That is how great MY Jesus MY Love is. Saved me 2x's!!! 

12/26/2020 @ 11:30 had my things packed and I said Lord if this is truly your will, Then this is You carrying me out. That was a saturday, Monday He had me enrolled in a Medical Assistant Program and I have now graduated and have been working at a Local Urgent Care for almost 1 yr now. I am/ will be furthering into Nursing and looking in to LPN programs but my long term goal is NURSE PRACTIONER. or MD who knows what our Lord will bring. and by that Wednesday He gave me my first job in Kitchen and I knew it was my job because there was a Christmas card there in the office as I was filling it out with my name on it and it wasn't for me. 

On my weight I am happy to report that I am now down at 220-225lbs and at the moment my body is at a stall. My next goal is 185. That was my original weight when I met him. 

Poppa, My Love, & My Homie are so so good yall!!! 

Before I end this Blog, As of 3/16/2021 Poppa brought my Mom, Dad, and Brother back into my life and i am so proud to say that He has healed a huge hole in my heart. 

I am still a single pringle. The next husband that I got down on my knees for will be having a special detail from the Lord simply because I am holding and waiting for him. AND I aint going back to the 2nd layer of hell.

I hope my story inspires you and gives your strength and courage!! Jesus really does love you and is right there with you!!!